I made a simple, but somewhat evil little sofa table.

I made a little end table to go at the end of my couch. I needed a place to put my coffee, wine, margarita, whatever, don't judge me. Unfortunately it wont make my couch look any better, but that is an issue for a different day… I hate that couch. 

If you are expecting some fine woodworking in this post, you have come to the wrong place. I like to make stuff, usually based on the junk I have in the garage. And I have the attention span of a fly, so I want projects that will come together fairy quickly. Thankfully I like when things look handmade and a little wonky. The projects I make, including this one, are perfect enough.

I started with a doodle. It wasn’t a great doodle, because I missed a piece, but we will get to that later. The shelves and the sides are made from pine 1x6’s, which are actually and annoyingly only 0.75” x 5.5” - ish. I cut the pieces to length, and put them aside.

The side pieces are 23.75" long (cut 2)

The shelves are 21" long (cut 3, not 2 like I did in the video)

For the top, this is where I am completely spoiled. My husband has a side hobby of buying gorgeous wood pieces that he finds all over the internet. He stashes them around the house so they can dry more evenly than the garage that has no heating or cooling. I’ll go to get luggage or something out from under the bed, and find chunks of wood that he forgot he put there. I have zero complaints since I get to reap the rewards of his hobby.

The top is 5.75" wide by 23.5" long

I am going to paint the base a deep purple, so I picked a lighter color wood for the top. I wanted a nice contrast. I found some gorgeous birdseye maple in the husband stash.

On the computer, I drew out the detail shape that I wanted on the bottom of the side. I was going to cut a half circle at first, but decided on something more interesting. Used a jigsaw to cut it out.

I marked where the shelves are going to go. There should be three here and not just two. That is the missing piece that I haven’t realized that I need yet. But I mark the location of the shelves and measure in to where the drill holes will be going in later. And use a spring loaded center hole punch to put little divots at each hole location. It’s not required to use the punch, but it is nice. 

There is glue on the ends of the shelves, it just kind of hard to see. The brad nails are super wimpy here, but they hold everything in place for a minute. You can see it wiggle a bit. It might be perfect enough in a pinch, but this little table will be nice to the couch, and is probably going to have to put up with a fair amount of abuse. I use a countersink bit to pre drill holes where the little divots are and add some decent screws. Make sure the heads of the screws are below the surface of the wood. I’m gonna cover up that crap in a minute.

I often use pocket holes for simple builds like this, but I thought this way would look cleaner at the end.

It was about now that I start thinking about how to attach the top to the base. Crap, I probably should have thought of that sooner. So, I cut another shelf piece and add it to the top. It’s a little harder to get in this way, but it works. But you should cut 3 shelves, not two.

Then I realize I also should have predrilled the holes for the top before I added that last shelf. Crap. So I had to go back and add some counter sink holes. These screws I wont cover up, and I won’t glue the top down. Hopefully that will be enough to allow for wood movement down the road. If it’s not, well, it’s good I didn’t glue it down.

I cover up all the screws, minus the ones for the top, with some Bondo for woodworking. I like it because it sets up so fast. I could have been a little more careful with this part. Some of the screw holes still had some divots after sanding. Or I could have just added more bondo later. But, again, attention span of a fly. So I just sanded it, then moved onto painting.

For the purple base I used Liquitex Basics Dioxazine Purple. It took at least three coats to get an even coat. But I love it. I am also purple obsessed, so I may be biased.

The design on the side, I wanted some skulls and some flowers. So, I thought having a single skull at the bottom with a floral design coming out of it would be cool. Kind of a life coming from death kind of thing. I liked the floral and I loved the skull but the design styles didn’t match. I meant for the skull to be more cartoony, like the flowers. But I got carried away with the shading. I had to stare at it for a day to figure out what I wanted to do. I even asked the internet for help. 

I decided to add more shading to the flowers, and tone down the skull. Kind of split the difference on the styles. Then I had another dilemma. What should I do with the other side. There is no physical way to see both sides at the same time, so there is no reason to agonize about painting them the exact same. So, I decided to flip the design and have a large flower at the bottom and lots of little skulls growing out of that. I love it so much.

Once that throughly dried I gave it a couple coats of satin top coat by General Finishes. I know I am supposed to sand in-between coats of paint and top coats. But I don’t see why. I think I am the only person on the planet that likes paint strokes in my projects. I want to tell that it is made by hand.

Here is a YouTube Short of the painting timelapse.

I used the bandsaw to cut my maple top. Messed up that simple job, but it kinda looked like a live edge a little, so I left the lumpy bits and just sanded the crap out of it, from 80 grit up to 220. Used Odie’s Oil and Wax to make it pretty and butter smooth.

I had to use a right angle drill adapter to get the screws in to attach the top, but then I was done! And it looks great in my little living room. Too bad my couch still looks like crap.

Painting my little evil side table, and I'm stuck.

 I am in the process of making and end table for my couch.

All the details, measurements and cut lists, yada yada yada will be coming soon. But I am stuck on the painting.

I painted the base a deep purple. The top will be natural wood. Maple, I think. I will just oil and wax that, so I think it will have a nice contrast with the deep purple base.

I wanted something more interesting on the side and I thought a little floral painting would be nice. But I need to make it a little more funky, because that's me, so I wanted to paint a skull at the bottom. I meant to paint it more cartoony, like the flowers, but it came out different. And I love it. But I love the flowers too. The problem is that they don't really match in style anymore and I can't decide if that works for me or not.

Here is a time lapse of the painting:

Should I fix it? Does it need fixing? I'm stuck!! 

Please comment and let me know what you think.

I made Harley Quinn's mallet

I got the opportunity to make Harley Quinn's Mallet, or hammer, and I jumped at it because I knew it would be a fun build. One day to more or less sculpt it, and another day to paint it. It took longer than that, no shocker there.

I started with the 3D printer, but that part could be made by hand too. (I find I use my 3D printer more for simple stuff like this, and goofy things like lego light sabers than all of the creative things I had in mind when I got it. But I'm using it and it's not collecting dust, so I will take that as a win.) But you could use things like a oatmeal tube, shipping tube, old cardboard, etc. Just add enough supports to make it a little stronger. And that will all be hidden, so overdo it on the hot glue, no one will ever see it.

Then I used a 1/2" PVC pipe for the hand. Glued it in with CA glue.

I used 6mm EVA foam wrapped around the head of mallet. And used a cut off of the PVC pipe mark then cut a notch to go around the pipe.

I tried measuring the head of the mallet and cutting the foam. But messed that up twice, so went with just wrapping the foam around the head, marking that, and cutting there. Worked much better.

I used contact cement to attach the foam to the head. Contact cement is the weirdest stuff. You put it on both sides that you want to adhere. Then you wait for it to dry??? But the stuff works great, but not a lot of wiggle room. Once the two sides touch, they don't want to let go. And be sure to use a respirator. Those fumes are NOT healthy.

Used the new mallet head to mark and then cut circles out of the same EVA foam for the ends of the mallet. The thicker the foam the better, because I am going to carve into it to get the wooden texture and the thicker it is, the more dramatic the texture can me.

Next, I cut a small piece of foam measured to wrap around the PVC pipe to form the handle.

Then contact cement that sucker in there.

A little piece of scrap foam to wrap around the base of the mallet head.

And another little piece to go onto the end of the handle.

Lots and lots of sanding. And DEFINITELY wear something to protect your lungs! Lots of little particles that you do NOT want to breath in. Really bad for you.

For the chunks and gashes on the head of the mallet, I found a steak knife worked better than anything.

I used an Xacto knife to cut the more delicate groves of the wood texture.

Sprayed a primer over the entire mallet.

Time for the fun part. I really love the painting part. That's when all of the hard work starts to show the rewards.

I printed out the diamond pattern on my ink jet and decoupaged it onto the head of the mallet. The colors ran from the glue and lines from the ink running out on the printer. But I knew I was going to paint over all of the paper, so I wasn't concerned. It more more of a glorified template.

The smily face I eyeballed.

Painted the handle blue

Painted the handle black

Added more detail where I thought it needed it.

Used paint pens to write the script on the side. I definitely did not trust myself with the paintbrush to make that look good. It says (according to Google) "You're killing me. Or am I killing you? Haha Wanna Play?" And google never gets it wrong, right?

My daughter LOVED it! I asked for it back for a minute after Halloween so I could get a better picture of it. She gave me side eye! Like I was gonna scratch it!! Kids are a pain, but I love 'em.

I made my first wooden sword - Riptide from Percy Jackson

My kid was in a production of Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief, and I jumped at the chance to make Riptide, the sword in the movie. I had never made a wooden sword before and it just sounded like fun. I learned SO much, and had to trust the process for a lot of it. It looked so bad for a while. But I am really happy with how it turned out.

I started with Adobe Illustrator to trace out the sword. You can draw it by hand, by drawing half of it lengthwise, the folding it along that half and cutting it out. I have been using Illustrator since the stone age, so it's just what I am familiar with.

I printed it out on a rainbow grid so that I could more easily align the sword. When trying to align a long skinny thing, like a sword, it can be difficult. I find the rainbow grid, or a pattern or something, easier to align.

Then I spray mount it to a piece of cardstock or bristol board, cut it out with an xacto knife. The cardstock is optional, it just makes it so much easier to detail with.

The blade and the handle are made from one solid piece. And two small pieces are sandwiched around the handle to make the guard. It'll make sense in a bit.

I used cherry wood because I had it on hand, but you can use whatever you have. You just want it nice and flat.

I cut out the pieces on the band saw

Below you can see how I am sandwiching the to pieces around the blade to make the guard. Keeping the majority of the sword in one piece with the grain running the length of it, makes it incredibly strong. It will be able to put up with a lot of abuse and play. But that also means it could be dangerous. So, don't give it to that crazy uncle or friend that starts a sentence with "Hold my beer..."

And since I did a horrible job of cutting out the guard, I had to fill in all the gaps with bondo. But I knew I'd be painting over everything anyway, so who cares. 

I traced the triangle shape around the trident onto the wood because when I carve it down, I want to make sure that I don't carve into that space.

I had never carved anything like this before, so experimented with a few different ways. Tried the belt sander with really rough grit. That did remove wood nicely, but it was hard to see what I was doing. So, that was a no go.

Tried the dremel. That did work, but much much much too slow, and I have no patience

Then I remembered I had a grinder. I have used it so little that I forget I have it. But it worked beautifully. It took off wood at the right speed and I cold see what I was doing. Eye and lung protection people! Made a huge mesh. Worth it.

Still had to use rasps and the dremel to get into that corner there.

Lots of back and forth on the carving until I was happy. And lots of sanding. Started with 80 grit because I had a lot of tool marks. Then, worked my way up to 200 grit.

Primed it with Filler primer so I could paint it. My favorite part! It's where it comes to life.

I knew it was going to take several coats of the gold paint to get good coverage. My kid is a total theater nerd. And I say that with love. It's awesome. They had to pick out the right shade of gold/bronze. And I REALLY wanted to add some authentic battle damage and weather it, but I was informed that that was a no go according to the theater nerd. Humph.

Then painted the handle and guard brown do that it would have a different base color than the blade.

Next I cut out the trident so that I could trace it onto the blade in the triangle notch I marked out earlier.

I traced it and painted it a marine blue to go with the Poseidon/Ocean theme. In retrospect, maybe I should have printed it on in blue and just decoupaged it on there. That might have made the trident a little more clean. But it was perfect enough for me.

I used a butter knife to create three indentations on the handle to give it a little more personality.

I used gold rub n buff on the handle, and you can see those indentations a bit. They are subtle, but I think it works.

I used a watered down black paint as a wash over the guard and handle to make it look a little less plastic. The whole thing has a metallic look, but I wanted the blade to be distinguishable from the guard and handle. I think it works.